A Voice in My Head

I have a voice in my head.* Like right now. And it’s got a rather annoying temperament. Get out … get out … GET OUT!!

[the sound of a body falling on the ground]

The Voice: Finally! It’s stuffy in your brain. Did you know that?

Me: I probably could’ve guessed that. Something’s always on my mind. It’s hit or miss whether it makes sense.

The Voice: Let me just tell you that it doesn’t make sense. A skeleton dragon homecoming court?

Me: Don’t ask me. You’re the one who said it.

The Voice: But it’s still in your head. And quit calling me ‘The Voice.’ Isn’t that a TV show?

Me: Yep. Singing competition. I can count the number of snippets I’ve watched on one hand, but they’ve got some star swivel chairs.

The Voice: Well quit referring to me as a TV show. My name is Arabella!

Me: Really? Arabella?

Arabella: Not my fault. You gave me the name! So I should be asking you: Arabella? Really? Arabella? How many Arabellas do you know?

Me: None. But I do know an adorable dog whose middle name is Arabella. She’s super sweet. I even dog-sat her in the recent past. And there’s that character from Harry Potter, but I’m guessing fictional characters don’t count.

Arabella: Duh! Do you know any real people named Arabella? Any young people?

Me: I can’t honestly say that I do.

Arabella: Well if there’s anyone on this strangely-beautiful-scary planet that knows an actual person named Arabella, please let me know! And tell Lisa she should’ve named me something else!

Me: Like Bertha? Or Plum? Or Soda Pop?

Arabella: Ugh! What’s wrong with you? No, no and NO!

Me: Would you rather be referred to as Bella?

Arabella: Now you want to nickname me after the nickname of a Twilight character? [sound of stamping foot] Do I look like I belong in a vampire novel? I am so sick of vampire books!

Me: In that case, I think I should read another vampire book. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Arabella: No. Do not do it. Don’t give her any suggestions.

Me: Can’t you be a little more tactful and tell the readers a little about yourself? How about a story?

Arabella: I don’t do stories. Do I come across as a storybook character to you? Cuz I’m not. Not even close. Even if I exist in fifty other alternate universes, in none of them will I exist as a storybook character.

Me: [I’m giving her a look.]

[sound of scraping chair and someone sitting unceremoniously on it]

Arabella: Fine. Here are the basics. But no story. I’m Arabella Hawthorne. 15 years old. Ninth grade. Only child. Wavy brown hair. No bangs. Hazel eyes. Five-foot-five. Don’t ask me my weight unless you want me to pop out your eye. I like a good action-adventure movie, and I’ll bite you if you try to force me to watch a chick flick. I’m open to most music as long as it has lyrics, and I can understand the lyrics. Love peanut butter and jelly, but hate it together. I don’t play sports, but I think that cheerleading is a sport, even though I would never ever go out for it. I have few friends, but those that I have are my friends for life. Anyone tries to hurt them, and I will do irreparable damage to their person. And also, if any of my friends try to betray me, I will do the same to them. Just saying.

Me (hastily): Okay, then! Your bio is very insightful, but that’s all the time I have right now. I’ve got to go do some laundry. New washer and all that. Very intriguing …

Arabella: Are you trying to get rid of me?

Me: Yes. Be like me and say good night to the good people who’ve put up with this conversation. Good night!

Arabella: How ‘bout I say whatever and leave it at that?

Me: But that’s rude.

Arabella (snooty voice): Whatever.

* Don’t worry, the voice is harmless. I am in control at all times. I think … I hope … Probably … Maybe? Just kidding. Really, I just want to try something new and extra with my blog. After all, I figure I can write blather much faster than I can read a novel, so I’m posting this in the in-between as I’m prepping my next compilation. Enjoy!