"The Midwest Survival Guide" by Charlie Berens

The Midwest Survival Guide: How We Talk, Love, Work, Drink, and Eat ... Everything with Ranch (Nov. 16, 2021) by Charlie Berens.

“Hello, there! Let me get the door for you,” says a Midwesterner (like me) from a football field away. I have done this, not from a football field away, but I have been that person holding the door for one person that multiples to a score of folks. Nothing weird about that. It is the Midwestern way. This guide covers everything a Midwesterner (current or former, native or transplant) could think of (and maybe even more). From the language to the culture, from the most skilled of apologies to the longest goodbyes, from drinking games to euchre, this guide shows that the Midwest is more than a bunch of flyover states (the Midwest is comprised of 12 states) that have really long, cold winters (though we do have those, too).

            I will be the first to admit that I had not heard of Charlie Berens when I checked out this book from the library. I saw a patron return it, thought it looked funny, and checked it out for myself. Both my brothers and my sister-in-law are familiar with the author-podcaster. I have clearly been missing out, but this guide is a great introduction to the comedian-also-author. It is hilarious and contains illustrations, quizzes, sidebars and so much knowledge. I can’t tell you how many times I laughed out loud or nodded my head, because, yes, that is exactly how it is. The four-way stop? I got ’er down. The OPEs! and the UFF DAs! Yah, ya betcha, use those widely, too. For those completely unfamiliar with the Midwest, this guide may seem too strange and bizarre, but to anyone familiar with the Midwest - especially if you grew up here and still live somewhere in there - it is a guide chock-full of entertainment. I will also admit that I am not a card game player, and I have zero knowledge of euchre. I expect this is a great, Midwestern faux pas. Geez, sorry, ope! These things happen, keep ‘er movin’.

            Note, mostly to self: Go to Minneapolis and eat at Vinai, Chef Yia Vang’s restaurant. It serves Hmong food. The restaurant’s name is an homage to the refugee camp that the chef’s parents were at (Ban Vinai). Chef Yia was born in 1984.

            Also, did you know …

                        … that it’s illegal in Minnesota to sleep naked? (Who’s going to police that?)

                        … that it’s illegal to fish for whales on Sunday in Ohio?

                        … that horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa? (From the author: “Kinda makes you wonder what hydrants and horses are made of in Marshalltown.”)

                        … that you can’t fish in pajamas or fly a kite in Chicago?